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Friday, October 29, 2004
What do i do? Call the love police? Rite, i cant even help you on that. I wonder how it happens...i have no cure for such illnesses, but i do have logical explanations...or do i? I've been thru it once, yes, i know but dat was diff, gurl. Its funny how one person can make sucha great impact, n dont even knw it. How you wanna c him everyday, but cant due to certain obligations...that i knw. How u made da best of wat u had during those stunted time u have with him...exhilirating aint it....Think of it as a crush...u knw how u get butterflies wen he's on da line, or wen u r gonna c him...aniticipating his arrival...its all so sweet aint it...such lovely moments. I knw wat u're goin thru la, i mean i've been thru it, wen i was in sec sch, i liked dis guy who was oblivious to my existance...it was damn sad, cuz even then, wen i was the rose among the thorns on da court, (wearing a bloody skirt for god's sake) he wudnt pass me da ball. he knew i'd kick his ass with my 3 pointers. He sucked. Coward. And still, i had sucha an emotion for him, id stare at da fone, for hours, shud i or shud i not? his digits were etched in my memory, those sweet 7 numbers...his voice was juz that far away. So near, yet so bloody far. The rush i got wen i went...ummm hello, cud i speak to ....... pls? And then came da hello. he always hd me at hello. I wud go speechless and some stupid comment wud escape my lips, n i'd feel real horrible abt it....i was so lame! And u knw how you'd look at every hot gal, analyze her to da max, den compare her to you? How you'd think, people like her are ard, wat da hell wud he want wit me?

Its really damn sad, Shar, i knw how it feels. You gotta live life okie, gurl u r in new york for gods sake. go do somethin fun. forget him...i mean, yea, judging frm da pic u sent he's hot n all la...but if he dont show da same interest u do, den i guess its time to juz move on. N stop snacking...chocs r bad if u decide to go beserk n OD on em...i miss ya gurl..wat hapened to u comin back n hangin out wit me...i'm still holdin on to dat thought...hoping its gonna be reality soon...Ok, back to HIM, see, if u hang ard a guy for quite a bit, call him to ask him if there's class, (i so knw u have ya timetable up on ya wall,u always do) and he dont get da hint, den leave it be...there's no chemistry obviously, maybe the flirting will go on l, i mean, u knw u're hot...which guy wudnt wanna flirt witcha? geez, i wud...ok..nvm...now, stop gettin him redundant things and move on. He's not worth it if he dont c u in da same light. SAd but true...u better call me again soon ah..if not, i'll have a freakin Bf n write a letter. Den u'll be deported...MuahHAHahah...so evil. i love ya loads babe, miss u. Call me again...n yes, i wont tell n e on abt ya blog..i'll tag u there aite. Ciaoz...

OK, dat was my conversation wit Shar, dis gf of mine who moved to NY recently. Miss her greatly...Talkin abt missing...there r so many ppl in dat list...Mommy....Syaheed....Shaik....Sudip....geez....I love u all so dearly. The past few weeks have been kinda rough on me.... things juz dun go as planned...with alot of emotions involved....i prefer to suffer in silence. i dunno how to translate wat i have in my mind with mere words, its juz so depressing. I need an escape, where no one will find me...so i can find myself once again, n rebuild the broken parts...my minds so tired, my body's so bruised...i feel like i'm falling back down in dat pit i so badly tried to climb out off...Shar cheered me up a lil....she's always chirpy...(even wit a handful of problems)thnx sweetie. i wanna crawl in bed n sleep, n i wanna be invisible...a handful of ppl will miss me,i knw...but otha den dat i'm invisible...i hate feeling dis way....i really hate it, it sucks...big time. i need help...or i'll drift even futer frm myself...n frm everyone else. Dont be surprised if i go missing one day...dun look for me.

latest ramblngs at 1:33 AM