Sunday, April 10, 2005
What shall i say abt whats happened in my life these couple of weeks or should i say months i've not been updating this thing they call blog. Its been a hell of a roller coaster ride...
To all those who read what i write, i'm grateful and honoured your by your graciousness, for I truly write from the heart, and though some of you may not understand the underlying message, its about what i feel in times of heteromorphicity in my life... I question my existance in it, and its these very deviant instances that is evidence to my very being.
The ones that were uplifting overwhelmed me in a bittersweet manner, I was engulfed in goodness and wanted to do more in my life. People tell me I have potential, to do what, I truly have not discovered. I do not intend to disappoint them, for i believe there is a bigger plan for me, which i have not realised yet. Im grateful for you guys, who have been there for me every step of the way, some for the whole 21 years i have been around, and for those who came along the way, who made a big impact in my life. They are some people i can safely call my friends, for they have their names carved at a very speacial place deep in my heart. You know who you are, some may be distances away but i hold them very close to my heart. The ones here, i intend not to take advantage of but i do at times. I just hope you know that with all thats been happening, or not happening, i still love you all very much.
God truly works wonders for my prayers have been answered. I asked for certain things in life, for people who truly cared, those i call my friends, those other then my own flesh and blood. And he sent 3 angels who were there with and for me. I'm a phonecall away, I hope you knw that.
There were times when i fell, de ja vous once again. It happens in life, when you feel you don't really know the people you thought you did. I dont know if it makes sense but bare with me on this. I think you guys might deem this real familiar. Its sad how people can be so vicious, and revengeful. About things they don't really know the real answers to. The malicious things they are capable of is intriuging indeed. People were so against me. People i opened myself to. People i thought i could trust. Sadly, for me, its the vicious cycle of friendship. You may say i'm arrogant, and i really choose my friends. I'm not one to get attached with just anyone not of my standard. Just what is my standard? I think its the ability to be mature about things in life, and accept the harsh reality of the world. And you said I was arrogant. Do you see the reason why i shouldn't be? With people like you, the humblest person would be cowered to arrogance, why? because we just want to avoid hurting. I'm not going to mention names, you know who you are. I took it with a pinch of salt. How dare you pass judgement on me when you dont know the first thing about me. And i tried to be there when you wanted to be "friends". Bullshit. Maybe you should be put in that position, then again, you are not strong enough to handle it. Running away, my dear, is not the solution. I hold no malice against you for what happened, but do know that the scars are still visible and that i want you to feel it. But i shall not go where you are. You probably don't even know this blog exists! HAh.. Oh well... A least i've let out some steam.
A few shoutouts now:
Happy Birthday Sudip darling. I'm sorry I havent called you yet, th is no excuse i'm going to conjure for fact is I really havent called. Pls do know that i'm thinkin of you, miles away, hoping you enjoyed your 21st, and praying for you to be ok there. I hope you're not drunk when you read this though...(giggles) You've always been there for me, and though we haven't been spending much time when you were here, you know i love ya..And i miss ya...And i hope you come back soon. Enjoy ya summer darling...
My beloved aunty un,
Life has its way of twisting you till the point of distortion. I'm proud of you for you were bent, but was never broken. Your strength has inspired me tremendously. I know life has not been treating you the way it should, but you'll find what you're lookin for soon. I pray everyday for your happiness, and to thank the Almighty for i have been blessed with you. Thank you, for giving me the courage to live life the way i do. Love ya very very much.
My ever so dearest mommy,
I know you forgot to call on my 21st, its really ok. I dont need a phonecall from you to know that you love me, and that you would be here in a heartbeat to grace the occasion with me. I felt it. You are, one of my angels after all. I hope all's good for you there, and i want to say that i miss you a great deal, and that i love you very very much. Thank you, for being a great aunt.
The ones who celebrated my 21st with that wonderful Good Friday @ the Swissotel, forgive me if i left anyone out:
Yon, Syah, Noreis, My Lil Fairy, Yana, Mark Anthony(i love calling you by ya full name),Adam, Mai,My Sunshine(Nufail),Nureena,Aaron, Joshua,Chris,Sherman, Kenneth, Chris, & last but not least, Fique. I've never felt such happiness as i did that day. You guys really lit me up for my 21st, and i am so so thankful for everything you have done. I have no words to describe how i felt, it was that good. For those who came to say happy bday to me, all the way there, Ashley and Vikki, thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, love to all of you. i'd also like to Thank my mom, for she was also part of the organising committe of "operation 21" as i'd like to call it. Its one of those rare instances where i dont need any pictures or physical evidence that it happened. The beautiful picture is still freshly painted in my mind.
Last but not least, I'd like to thank both my parents for showering me with unconditional love, advice and having faith in me. If one day, when i do become someone great, it is because of you guys. It is a reflection of you, what you instilled in me. I'm rich because of you, i have wonderful parents i love and adore to death. I just pray that one day, i can give you as much as you give me, and i can be there for you the way you have been with me. thank you guys, love ya very very much.
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