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Sunday, July 31, 2005
The lymphatic movements of life, you never know where the wind is going to blow next. The directions its heading to now is not good. You start to ponder about the people in your life. the ones closest to you. What they really think about you, and what you really mean to them. Once again i feel thrust to the very scenario i always think about when i feel alone. Sittin on top of a stony hill, over looking the crashing waves, just thinking. All the joy and happiness comes crashing down overnight. Is it the new addtions, or the new rules. Or the prescence of someone new. Someone who's been there so long, but still so new. It dosen't make sense i know, but think deep. Close your eyes and cherish every laughter you have, every single moment you feel happy. You have to endure the bad tenfold before yo actually experiance that. We all used to be so happy. Now all the happiness are disguised by laughter and togetherness, but inside, you still feel a hint of sorrow. You want it to fade away, but it lingers... and its heartache. Pure heartache. you don't know how to even put it in words. Sometimes, i don't even know what i feel anymore. I can never be a complete person, because when i finally hink i am, some aspect will ruin it. I wish i could be better, wholly. A better daughter, a better sister, a better girlfriend, a better niece, a better girlfriend, a better person. But i'm just me. I love the way i am, sad some people don't. thee are the people that mean the most to me. I am a reflection of them, i am me because of the values they've instilled, and yet i'm not enough. i just hope that the day will come where they'll actually be proud of me, because i'm their daughter, and a sister and a niece. Purely because i am me. I don't hide in anyone's shadows and i don't yearn to follow in any of their footsteps. I am my own person and i want to create my own legacy. I am me, and one day, just maybe one day, they'll be able to grasp that. Before its too late.

latest ramblngs at 3:30 PM